Crazy, crazy, crazy day....I feel like I've been on a rollercoaster and FYI I really don't do well on rollercoasters.
When I went in Max's room this morning I thought he was back on the vent because they had changed the way his breathing thing was. It looks like the vent hoses but it wasn't. No nurses, no respitory specialists.....waiting, waiting, waiting. It probably wasn't that long but it seemed like it. He had did well all night and was still off the vent.
Physical Therapy came in and he was doing good. Yesterday he could hardly sit up without feeling sick, today he did 15 minutes of hard work.
Everything was going good until this afternoon. They needed to do some sheet changing so we stepped out into the waiting room. When we went back in they had him in a chair but he was a mess. They said he had a fever, his blood oxygen was dropping and they couldn't keep it up. They were suctioning him, forcing more air in his lungs, just chaos. A friend was back there with me. She was led by the Lord to come and pray for him and as always God is always on time. They were working on him and we were praying. He finally stablilized and they started looking for why he was running a fever..
I have noticed every time they give him a certain pain medication it knocks him out and he starts shivering real bad. He says hes cold and he can't get warm. After a while it starts to wear off and about the time he comes to his senses and starts to communicate he gets another dose. I asked the nurse and she said he was scheduled to get this medication. Before he was asked if he was in pain and needed the medication, not now.
He was scheduled for this medication around 4 or 5 pm. His nurse told us he had the option to refuse the medication and he did. When I went back in after shift change around 8:00 I asked the new nurse and she said he had no fever. He probably got hot from the blankets he had on because he was cold. I've asked the nurse not to give him this medication and talked with another resident on his case to find something different and to ask him if he needed it. I realize his back is a different deal, but he's had other surgeries and wouldn't take pain medication at all.
He tried the sip test, this is were they give him a glass of water and he takes sips to see if he can swallow correctly. When you haven't used that muscle for a while it's hard to swallow and it goes down your lungs. Well, he did good for 2 sips but the 3rd one got him. They wouldn't let him try again and he was frustrated. Later when Ray was in the room he wanted him to lift both of his legs and move them. He thought that would help him be ready to leave tomorrow. He was mad at me because I told him I couldn't just move his legs around because I didn't want to make anything worse. He was angry with me, I layed my head down because I just wanted to cry and was trying so hard not to. Then he's crying and saying he's sorry. Oh Lord, this is such a horrible place to be in. I know you love me and I know your there but it's just so hard. Empathy, sympathy & compassion are things that are felt at a gut level. Many times you have to walk that road to understand what others are going through. In all honesty I really don't want to walk that road, I really don't think I care to have that in common with anyone. I just want this to end happily ever after, God comes riding in on the white horse and taps Max with his magic wand and it's all good.
God doesn't have a magic wand, which is probably good because if I was God I would zap people with it. ;0) It's amazing how when you put things down on "paper" it gives you perspective. I really don't like being a whiner, I guess it feels safe to express that in a way that doesn't hurt anyone or spirals out of control. God is on our side, the best is yet to come with Max, I just can't see it yet. Tonight, right now I will celebrate the victories, I will not let the enemy win, our life is not what if....our life is when we.... Okay, tomorrow is a new day, I cleaned up & washed my hair and I'm ready for what tomorrow brings. It's getting better and better, Max is getting closer and closer to talking and all his nurses will hear his lovely voice and I'm sure they won't forget his laugh when they hear it.
One funny thing, Max has no idea that I've literally spent hours standing by his bedside and staring at this face. Honestly I wasn't sure it would be there the next day to stare at. Such a simple thing I always took for granted because I hadn't done it in so long ~ don't some of you guys remember when you were dating your spouse and you could just sit and look at them..... Well, anyway, it's funny because now that's he awake he really doesn't like me just staring at him. His concept of time is so messed up. I'm sure he's wondering if he has something on his face or his hair is messed up. I guess I'll have to keep my gazing to a minimum unless he's sleeping.
Thanks for letting me ramble myself happy, thanks for being there. I feel like I can go to sleep wrapped up in a blanket of warmth ~ not these thin hospital blankets but the thoughts and prayers of everyone out there. Until tomorrow....much love. Sherry