Christmas Written January 11, 2012 10:23am
Oh, Christmas...... With Max being in Rusk we really didn't do any of the traditional stuff we do for Christmas.
My dad came down for Christmas Eve. Usually he will spend the night but he came down early, we went out to eat and then came home and did some Christmas stuff. We usually go out and see the Christmas lights but really couldn't because Max can't see out of the van. He sets up to high so it limits his vision.
With Christmas being on Sunday, our church had a special one hour service on Sunday morning. That led to the big dilemma in our house. We have always kept Christmas day for the kids. We didn't leave the house until after 3:00 because we wanted them to enjoy this day and not have to see their toys and then leave.
Max wanted to go to church, he stated he has a lot to be thankful for. The kids wanted to stay home because that is what we have always done. I was squarely in the middle.
******Spoiler Alert******* Those of you who may think I'm a super Christian woman might want to skip the rest of this post! LOL
So Christmas morning comes Max is going to church, one child definately did not want to go, one child was wanting to stay home but wasn't sure, one child wanted everyone to do the same thing whether stay at home or go to church. I wanted to go to church, I wanted to stay home, I was resentful I had to drive, I was resentful the kids didn't want to go as a family, I was resentful that Max didn't want to stay home....I was just a mess. I wanted tradition as usual and reality was it isn't. So all my talk of adjusting and finding our new normal raised up and slapped me right in the face. One of my kids went to church with us, one of them wanted to go if one of the others went. The one that went didn't tell the other until it was to late for them to get ready. I was fine in the beginning of the drive in but I started crying and trying to deal with my own sorrow and changing life. For those who know me, I hate to cry in front of people. I hate to wear my feelings on my sleeve and it's been a long haul to change that and be open with people. So long story short I cried all the way there, 3/4 of the way through the service. I really didn't want to be there and God wasn't going to let me pretend I did ~ God was not letting me off the hook. I had to deal with a lot of stuff that I had put on the back burner. I had to deal with the fact that things are different. Even if Max walks tomorrow I can't put all the pieces back together like they were before, it just will never happen. It may not be fair but there are many things I have to do that I don't like. Max can no longer do those things at the moment and I just have to figure out a way to do them without letting my flesh be resentful. I still wrestle with these things, I am crying as I type this because it's a hard place to walk through.
So did I have a good Christmas? Yes, no, yes..... We opened presents when we got home and we had a great time. Not what my expectations were but good all the same.
Oh well, on to the New Year! Max tried to stay up but his back was hurting. Usually I'm the one who wants to go to bed but this year our lives are reversed.
Max got a new splint for his left hand. It's to help him hold things with his left hand. The trick is getting him to wear it.......
Our new van has supposed to be here since Christmas. So every other week it was supposed to be in Columbia. The latest is it will be done this Friday so we may be able to pick it up next week. It's always next week..... eventually it will get here and then it can snow! LOL
I also want to thank everyone who has been helping us. Our Christmas wouldn't have been the same without you guys!
Well, Max is off the phone and I need to get him going so I'm going to end this post. I should be posting more often......I think I was avoiding the Christmas post and all those emotions. But, God is good and I'll deal with them. I promise I'll do a better job of keeping you all informed. The kids have a list of things they want to do and since it will all be new, I'm sure there will be Max stories involved!
Oh, Christmas...... With Max being in Rusk we really didn't do any of the traditional stuff we do for Christmas.
My dad came down for Christmas Eve. Usually he will spend the night but he came down early, we went out to eat and then came home and did some Christmas stuff. We usually go out and see the Christmas lights but really couldn't because Max can't see out of the van. He sets up to high so it limits his vision.
With Christmas being on Sunday, our church had a special one hour service on Sunday morning. That led to the big dilemma in our house. We have always kept Christmas day for the kids. We didn't leave the house until after 3:00 because we wanted them to enjoy this day and not have to see their toys and then leave.
Max wanted to go to church, he stated he has a lot to be thankful for. The kids wanted to stay home because that is what we have always done. I was squarely in the middle.
******Spoiler Alert******* Those of you who may think I'm a super Christian woman might want to skip the rest of this post! LOL
So Christmas morning comes Max is going to church, one child definately did not want to go, one child was wanting to stay home but wasn't sure, one child wanted everyone to do the same thing whether stay at home or go to church. I wanted to go to church, I wanted to stay home, I was resentful I had to drive, I was resentful the kids didn't want to go as a family, I was resentful that Max didn't want to stay home....I was just a mess. I wanted tradition as usual and reality was it isn't. So all my talk of adjusting and finding our new normal raised up and slapped me right in the face. One of my kids went to church with us, one of them wanted to go if one of the others went. The one that went didn't tell the other until it was to late for them to get ready. I was fine in the beginning of the drive in but I started crying and trying to deal with my own sorrow and changing life. For those who know me, I hate to cry in front of people. I hate to wear my feelings on my sleeve and it's been a long haul to change that and be open with people. So long story short I cried all the way there, 3/4 of the way through the service. I really didn't want to be there and God wasn't going to let me pretend I did ~ God was not letting me off the hook. I had to deal with a lot of stuff that I had put on the back burner. I had to deal with the fact that things are different. Even if Max walks tomorrow I can't put all the pieces back together like they were before, it just will never happen. It may not be fair but there are many things I have to do that I don't like. Max can no longer do those things at the moment and I just have to figure out a way to do them without letting my flesh be resentful. I still wrestle with these things, I am crying as I type this because it's a hard place to walk through.
So did I have a good Christmas? Yes, no, yes..... We opened presents when we got home and we had a great time. Not what my expectations were but good all the same.
Oh well, on to the New Year! Max tried to stay up but his back was hurting. Usually I'm the one who wants to go to bed but this year our lives are reversed.
Max got a new splint for his left hand. It's to help him hold things with his left hand. The trick is getting him to wear it.......
Our new van has supposed to be here since Christmas. So every other week it was supposed to be in Columbia. The latest is it will be done this Friday so we may be able to pick it up next week. It's always next week..... eventually it will get here and then it can snow! LOL
I also want to thank everyone who has been helping us. Our Christmas wouldn't have been the same without you guys!
Well, Max is off the phone and I need to get him going so I'm going to end this post. I should be posting more often......I think I was avoiding the Christmas post and all those emotions. But, God is good and I'll deal with them. I promise I'll do a better job of keeping you all informed. The kids have a list of things they want to do and since it will all be new, I'm sure there will be Max stories involved!
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